So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
