some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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