brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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