help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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