What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
