I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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