There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Randomize
