I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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