So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
