i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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