the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
