I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
