Having a random hookup so left but love u
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
