i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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