Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
