Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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