That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
