i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
