You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Your cock deserves a montage
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
