Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
