Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize