Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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