Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
