physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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