So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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