I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
