Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
