you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The uberlube is also flammable
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
