Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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