I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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