Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
