When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
