Will you blow on my dice?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
