Christians are straight up FREAKS
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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