Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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