I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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