Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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