Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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