She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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