i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize