I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
