You're my little dorito
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
