I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
