like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
