Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
