currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
