It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize