this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
