the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize
