Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
