i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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