So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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