we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
