In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
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