So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize