This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
