Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
