i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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