girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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