i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
