if you like me you must not know who I am
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
