The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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