I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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