you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
