You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
