I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
