In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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