I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
