I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
