I'm drive I can fine osifer
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
