i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
